"Dear Jennifer,
I've been reading your blogs about SOI and my heart is sinking. I think I've blown it with my Sphere of Influence by constantly asking them for business and referrals. Is there a way I can redeem myself with my friends, or do I have to go make all new ones?
Bill"
I get this question a lot! Mostly from new or newer agents who have been brainwashed into believing that an SOI (Sphere of Influence) business model means that they're supposed to drive their friends nutso with constant reminders of their love for referrals. Most tell me that:
1) they felt it was wrong, but were convinced to do it anyway, and/or
2) they've felt their friends pull away and suspect they're avoiding the agent's calls.
Oops. Not at all good for business OR your social life!
Here's what I tell these distressed agents.
There are a couple of things they can do. If it suits their personality, they can address it head-on with an apology letter - very sincere, not too sappy, but friendly & apologetic, with a "let's move on" tone. I'm not convinced this is the best line of attack, but it might be effective if done well.
Of course, then the agent needs to follow it up with action - he needs to BE a non-referral-begging friend who happens to be a real estate agent. Coffee dates, casual emails, dinner parties - whatever socializing feels comfortable with the various members of his SOI. Oh, and he doesn't mention his real estate career unless it's appropriate, but strives to come across as a happy, enthusiastic, reliable, dependable, generally cool person who is probably a fabulous real estate agent, as well.
If the apology letter doesn't feel right, then he can just make a concerted effort to reconnect with his SOI, as above, and if the opportunity arises and it feels appropriate, give a little apology in person.
The other thing he can do is strive to build his SOI by meeting new people and NEVER breathing a hint of referral-begging with them. He can meet new people thru his existing SOI and by being out there in the world with his antenna up. I consider my SOI strategy to be more about meeting people THRU my SOI, not necessarily generating business directly from the people I know.
Of course, the best approach is to not annoy one's friends in the first place, so that there's no need for apologies or redeeming one's dignity after the fact!
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Provide education and information without asking for the referal. You will be viewed as an expert willing to lend a helping hand and that is exactly who I would want to do business with. If you make me a better consumer, you will wash away any bad taste from the past.
As soon as you only make it about YOU and not about the reliable contractors, market knowledge, best lenders, good re-fi, etc, etc. etc....make it about THEM...you win !
Good advice. It's important to build a relationship and give value to your SOI. Regular contact just to say hi and maybe provide some interesting news about the market that every homeowner may want to know. It's seldom a good idea to always be asking and never/seldom giving and making others think that the only reason you value them is for the business that they may provide you.
I do ask for referrals. Not every time I see my SOI, but I do occassionally. However, every time I get a referral I send a thank you note. If I get a lot of referrals from one person I will send a bag of M&Ms or a bottle of wine. People don't mind referring others to you, but they want to know that you appreciate their effort.
I don't ask but referal;s come because I'm willing to discuss and answer questions they may have or help them get the answers they are looking for If I do not know directly... Good Post.
There's a big difference between asking for referrals (which in my opinion appears somewhat needy) and letting people know that you "enjoy a referral-based business." I just know that if a self-employed friend flat-out asks me to send her business, I'll be uncomfortable around her for awhile. And if I knew my massage therapist was going to do it to me every time I went to see her, I'd be finding me a new massage therapist.
But if she's fabulous and DOESN'T ask? I'll send people to her all day long!
Thanks so much for this advice, Jennifer.
I can't tell you how many times I'm told to dial through my SOI list on a regular basis and point-blank ask for referrals. For one thing it's just nice to gab with a friend and not even think about business. And for the life of me, I just can't bring myself to say the words I've been counseled to say.
Validated! What a relief.
If your friends/soi know you are in real estate, they will often ask conversationally about the market. Wait for THEM to bring it up. You inform them as an expert/friend/rchb, not as a hungry saleswolf. Then ask about their job, they asked about yours. If that is the end of discussion on Real Estate, let it go until another time when They bring it up. Friends and associates are not tools for us to use. Unfortunately, some of the "greats" try to make us believe that they are.
Bill - seems kind of obvious, doesn't it?
Judy - Glad I could help!
It does now. Thanks to you and the sws crowd.
Good advice.
Always great advice Jennifer! Honestly I consider my Sphere to be more of a business one... I like to keep the private life private and never bring the subject up unless someone inquires... and NEVER chase a friend. Sometimes we need a separation between work and play... For me my playtime is what keeps me sane and allows me to have longevity in this business... So I dont like to mess up my play time with work!
I couldn't agree with you more! As for Bill, I'd say the following:
How exactly you "fix" this with your friends and acquaintances will be determined by the nature of your relationship with them, whether it's in person, by phone, by letter, by email. A heartfelt "mea culpa" may fit your style or something humorous may work - "oy, vey, what have I done? Can you ever forgive me? I promise never to do it again" - whatever fits *your* style and personality.
For me, it would be something along the lines of, "I fell in with the wrong crowd and did some really bad things. Can you forgive me?" then go on to explain how being the good little diligent agent you were, you tried your best to do what you had been taught to do (ask for referrals), etc...you knew it was wrong while you were doing it, yet, everyone kept urging you to go on and keep doing it. You thought they must know, since they had been doing that way for years. Anyway, you get the drift. Always leave 'em laughing, I say.
I must echo what others have said, just stop doing it. I sincerely believe that asking for referrals not only does not work, it drives away potential business. Yes, people who ask for referrals may get business from it, but it is business that may have been referred to them ANYWAY. It's hard to tell how many referrals and friendships have been lost, though, due to other people feeling totally put off by it. Quite frankly, I would!
The subject of real estate ALWAYS comes up. It just does. I run into people in my neighborhood, out in public, everywhere, and somehow, they always end up asking me about the market. I don't bring it up - I don't need to...and I never will. If you're equipped with helpful info about the market, about what is selling, what is not, what so and so got for their house and so on, you don't need to ask for business because you will already be viewed as the knowledgable, competant agent you are.
To me, when someone doesn't ask for business says to me they HAVE business and aren't desperate enough to beg me to help them find it. And that makes them much more attractive in my eyes. As soon as they ask, bleeecchhhh...not gonna happen.
Susan, wonderful as always. Um, can I sort of do a disclaimer here that I am not the "Bill" in the letter? You know, just in case...But!!! even though I have been won over by the good side of the s.w.s. force...those old beaten in temptations are still there, lurking. I just smile and shake my head when all the whooping starts when someone "hooked" another one. Old ways sure die hard...well, they don't die, that is a lot of our problem today.
Bill...LOL...no disclaimer necessary. We know YOU would never do such an awful thing. Hee hee
It did make me think of "Hello, my name is Bill W. and I ask for referrals." LOL (Wasn't that the AA guy?)
Hi Jennifer. Another good one.
They do brainwash us to hassle our friends, don't they?
Ken
I do wish I had met you when I first started in this business!
oh my gosh, this is exactly what I have been struggling with, I was even told to get thicker skin when i mentioned my objections about hasseling my soi to my previous broker . I am so releived to see that there is a different approach to getting those all important referrals